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I Made A Cursed Cutting Board With All My NEW Tools

December 29, 2025 · 22 min · 1k views

Every beginner woodworker makes a cutting board, so I made mine with a tentacle running through it. It's the classic project with a dash of eldritch inspiration: two boards cut on the same curve and glued back together like puzzle pieces, a thin accent strip between them, and a sucker made from a plug and a dowel.

It's also my first project with the power tools from the last video, plus a bandsaw I wasn't supposed to own. I'd just bought a full set of massive power tools, and I only knew how to use them from YouTube. So, one simple question: can a nerd keep his ten fingers when using big power tools for the first time?

If you're used to walnut, cherry and maple, I can't find those here. So I used local Thai hardwoods: Ceylon ironwood, Phayom and Red Yee wood. They're very dense and very hard.

First cuts

The table saw scares me the most, so I paced around it, made a push stick I then didn't use, and confidently hit the switch. Nothing happened. I hadn't plugged it in. My first real cut didn't go all the way through, because the Grabber didn't have enough grip. A push block with a heel fixed that.

Curves and cracks

Then I needed curves, and the board was too thick for anything I owned. So, hmm, I bought a bandsaw. After half a day of assembly, the blade popped out and the belt came loose. It's a capricious machine.

The ironwood I wanted for the tentacle was covered in cracks. My guess is it wasn't fully dried, and my air-conditioned workshop finished the job too fast. After a short French drama queen moment, I pivoted: light wood for the board, ironwood as a thin strip, red wood for the tentacle. The first strip snapped when I bent it. A thinner one worked.

Flattening, suckers and blood

The glue-up wasn't flat, and I don't own a jointer, so I built a sled for the planer: a $2,000 jointer for $20. The drill press took forever on the big sucker holes, so this board only gets one sucker. And the only injury came from the cutting board itself, which cut me while I was swapping a grinder blade. Then it got me again while I was trimming the plug, because one blood offering wasn't enough.

Learning the real machines

How to work with real machines. Table saw safety from Steve Ramsey and 731 Woodworks: never use the fence and miter gauge together, keep the riving knife on, stand to the left. Wait for the miter saw blade to stop before lifting it. Light passes on the planer. Matching curves with double-sided tape, and thin strips with a jig. The spindle sander was the easy win. The router is the other tool I'm genuinely scared of.

Do expensive tools make you better? They didn't stop the cracks or save the suckers. I consider this board a failure, and I finished it anyway. It looks like a pterodactyl head, or a wave.

Final count

  • 10 fingers at the end
  • 2 cuts, countless scratches
  • 1 tentacle sucker, down from several
  • 1 bandsaw I swore I wouldn't buy

Watch it

Watch the full build on YouTube.

Gear and links

Videos I used to learn how to safely use the tools:

Recording equipment:

Power tools:

Safety and jigs:

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